Lonely city

Made a quick mpc chopped Miles track.

Multi

I am trying so hard to balance family life with creating art and music. It is so difficult and literally impossible when my son was born. I think I went a few years without fully investing time and energy into making things. I would scribble something here and there, but the idea of actually committing to a painting was actually a source of anxiety. Thank God my Wife is so loving and my support group is solid. I am back to feeling good about my work and where it has evolved to as well as not becoming jaded by the phony art world popularity shit show. The right people have always found my work and kept me going in terms of a "job". I wish I could find the right gallery. I am collecting my work instead of doing the old half ass assembly line I did for so many years. 

 The one mistake I am still making is working super late everynight which leaves me exhausted. My son is up everyday right around 7 a.m. and normally I work until 4-4:30 sometimes just missing it all together. Not healthy...... In other words I am still working out the balance, but it is getting better.

John... 3-27-17

"Spirits" John Michael Gill 2017

"Spirits" John Michael Gill 2017

"Left Out" John Michael Gill 2017

"Left Out" John Michael Gill 2017

The Interwebs

It is so strange the stuff that is brought to your attention/found on the internet. I found this list which focuses on a few fun shows from L.A. Man I wished I was more disciplined in the early 2000's. I did however have a lot of fun and met a lot of great people. I thought this list was kind of interesting.

The Control Myth

I am really trying to figure out who I am. I have reached a real level of honesty within. I have reached a point which holding grudges or hating is not worth it. My childhood was much more difficult then I have ever admitted to myself. Never abused, molested, etc. but my family is blended. My 2 sisters are half and my brother as well. I am a symbol of my parents union, which I always knew was something that has a multitude of dimensions. I have heard constant lies or half truths about my parents. At one point I feel one sibling was almost trying to recruit me. Recruit me as they were. I have had to keep certain siblings at arms length hoping I won't have to fully let them go. They have their side, which is valid but I feel those who spend time trying to disgrace something are holding onto some abstract truth. Anyway, just an example of my path, one issue and I must say I am blessed. I have realized that at my age now I have limited wisdom. I can see growth in my art, stages or states of mind. I am lucky to have art as an anchor in my pursuit to learn who I am. While semi successful this is what really matters. Art is a person within that listens and lets me vent.

What I have come to understand is you do not happen to life, life happens to you and control is a myth.

Most think this is an act of immature ignorance. Necessary is what I call it. John Michael Gill. 2017.

Most think this is an act of immature ignorance. Necessary is what I call it. John Michael Gill. 2017.

Giving up control

Most of my earlier life was spent in Catholic school and church where I would stare at paintings of death and suffering, ignoring any resolution by staying completely transfixed on the pain in the eyes of the doomed. Humans violent side almost celebrated within the murals of the church. 

 I obsessed over death and began chasing it in a way. Balancing between this life and what I perceived as the end. I would literally ingest poison to feel what death might be like and each time I got closer to it, the warmer I felt. Irrational thinking as I write this but at the time it made perfect sense.

 I was a man who feared death until actually touching it a few times. I came to the realization that by letting go of my false sense of control I actually became more alive and in turn completely fine with the idea of death. Now when someone I know dies, I grieve. Now when someone I know dies, I celebrate. I feel for those who are in pain around me but feel completely at ease with the actual passing of a loved one. I learned how to let go.

 I must thank death for helping me become inspired by life. Death is a beautiful thing that I refuse to see as dark. I don't believe in heaven or hell or any other man made ideology regarding lifes true path. Being born and dying, to me, are one in the same. A magnificent way of transportation with a purpose. Yes, a purpose. We are all destined for the great beyond, the unknown, the transformation where all earthly ego dissolves into a warmth I welcome.

The Pallbearer 2011. John Michael Gill

The Pallbearer 2011. John Michael Gill

 

 To everyone I know and love, I will grieve you tremendously but please know that behind my tears is the ultimate thankfulness that you are exactly where you need to be. So I urge you, stop trying to control life. Let life be a wave, a current that flows in and around us. A wave so extraordinary that sometimes it suffocates, but like a wave it too will bring you back to air.

This song may be one of my favorites. The structure of it, the melody, it all reminds me of the beauty we tend to overlook.

John.

Store

Thank you to everyone who has grabbed something from my shop. I am going to be removing some of the products to maintain truly limited edition pieces. I'm honored that people support on this level. I'm honored to sell original paintings. I find it fresh that people have the insight to seek out art. It remains a vital part of this life........ (About to go off on a tangent) 

thank you

john

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