I get that people have all kinds of reasons for celebrity death mourning, mostly nostalgia? The reminder that that dark entity is approaching us all? Im not really sure, but for me it has to do 100% with musicians. I was in a really bad place in late April, This record kept me sane. Chris Cornell Unplugged in Sweden spoke to every part of me that Cornells many bands Soundgarden, Audioslave,did on occasion. Somehow the stripped down acoustic stuff along with his truly perfect voice has now allowed me to explore a lifetime of music. Before I left the vacation spot, the cold news came out. A hanging, possibly drug related? God man, I wish someone told me, well my Dad did tell me "it never ends well".
Chris Cornell, I do not idolize people but you making all this amazing music commands more respect then some shit idol....
"Come Pull The sheets over my eyes, So I can Sleep tonight, Despite what I've seen today, I found you guilty of the Crime of sleeping at a time when you should have been wide awake"
Why not try to combine multiple mediums, while learning others.
Each Video is composed of my beats, music, ( as of today I'm a few months to releasing my first record since 2004?) ,Paintings, Drawings, Photo, and Video.
Lots of fun.
I am trying so hard to balance family life with creating art and music. It is so difficult and literally impossible when my son was born. I think I went a few years without fully investing time and energy into making things. I would scribble something here and there, but the idea of actually committing to a painting was actually a source of anxiety. Thank God my Wife is so loving and my support group is solid. I am back to feeling good about my work and where it has evolved to as well as not becoming jaded by the phony art world popularity shit show. The right people have always found my work and kept me going in terms of a "job". I wish I could find the right gallery. I am collecting my work instead of doing the old half ass assembly line I did for so many years.
The one mistake I am still making is working super late everynight which leaves me exhausted. My son is up everyday right around 7 a.m. and normally I work until 4-4:30 sometimes just missing it all together. Not healthy...... In other words I am still working out the balance, but it is getting better.
New little ditty.
I think watercolor is my favorite medium? Too hard to say.
I have been watching and listening to a lot of the late, great comedian Patrice O'Neal. A ton of what I've heard has been from the Opie and Anthony show which really was the best Radio show regarding comics like Colin Quinn, Greg Geraldo, Artie Lange, Jim Norton, Bill Burr, and Louie CK. I often laugh my ass off uncontrollably. Thank God for great comics.... Anyway, I happened to catch the episode that occurred after Michael Richards flipped out at the Laugh Factory and called a group of guys heckling niggers. I really feel this is a perfect reflection of how ridiculous America has become, or has always been. I would rather know peoples authentic self. I hate the race issue but I feel race relations are going to suffer due to a commander in chief who has never lived as an average American. Try to live through love my friends and if hate is controlling you get help. Oh and his apology tour! That was the most racist shit of all.
I am really trying to figure out who I am. I have reached a real level of honesty within. I have reached a point which holding grudges or hating is not worth it. My childhood was much more difficult then I have ever admitted to myself. Never abused, molested, etc. but my family is blended. My 2 sisters are half and my brother as well. I am a symbol of my parents union, which I always knew was something that has a multitude of dimensions. I have heard constant lies or half truths about my parents. At one point I feel one sibling was almost trying to recruit me. Recruit me as they were. I have had to keep certain siblings at arms length hoping I won't have to fully let them go. They have their side, which is valid but I feel those who spend time trying to disgrace something are holding onto some abstract truth. Anyway, just an example of my path, one issue and I must say I am blessed. I have realized that at my age now I have limited wisdom. I can see growth in my art, stages or states of mind. I am lucky to have art as an anchor in my pursuit to learn who I am. While semi successful this is what really matters. Art is a person within that listens and lets me vent.
What I have come to understand is you do not happen to life, life happens to you and control is a myth.
I lay there, awake next to my wife. My mind will not quiet itself. I think of thousands of things all at once, some pleasant, some disturbing. I keep visualizing the human body which comforts me but I can't hold it. Again and again I reposition myself but nothing works, no comfort tonight. In the back of my head is the thought that my son will be awake early and whatever sleep I might get won't last. Again the human body, some faceless woman poses for me and all I see of her face are eyes forever changing.
This is a losing battle. I get up and put my headphones on. I walk out on my balcony and smoke a cigarette. It's cold now in Washington and peacefully mist falls. I think about the fact I am a night person, I always have been. Having my son has been hard on my sleep patterns. It's a rhythm you cannot change. I am most creative at night and most aware, this is when I get things done, while the world sleeps.
I strum a few notes on my guitar and put my headphones back on and start writing this. The worst part is, I had so much to say, so much to write but as I sit here I can only think of the eyes I keep seeing when I close mine. The eyelashes. The tiny wrinkles emoting such expression. I can think of the troubling nature of my inner dialogue and the conflicting subjects that are on my mind tonight. Darkness and light. I stop writing and focus on Thom Yorkes voice singing "Present Tense" and an explosion of images release into the space behind my eyes.
Soon the sun will come up. Soon the cars will fill the street, but until then I will try and close my eyes one more time.
Doing art on the street is the best conversation starter and weeds out boring folks.
I didn't take this shot. A woman offered to take our picture. I cropped in a bit. I love that she took this as we were either about to take the "real" picture or right after.
Sometimes It's helpful to revisit old techniques.
I view the arts as connected. As an artist I try everything and believe it's all one form of ones expression. Film, music, painting, writing, dance, etc. It all is a body of work. The established artists tend to repeat the same thing over and over again. The galleries, most anyway, encourage the growth of an artist on the most minimal level. I have seen successful artists who are already done. They took the bait and never take risks. This is one reason I may never be as "successful" as if I played the game. People need easily recognizable work to buy so risk is minimal. It is rarely about the art so if you're name is unknown you should be thrilled if you sell work. It did what art is supposed to do and made a real connection. The unfortunate thing is I am seeing people who started out anti-establishment becoming the new establishment. I will always use every medium I can to project ideas. I have lost gallery relationships due to this. Success is different for everyone I suppose. For me it was and will always be about freedom.
Some ink on paper pieces.