My last trip home to California was an absolutely unique one. I experienced so many life lessons that it was actually incredible. No joke, one after the other after the other after the other.
I was surrounded by so many different people from my life. My good friend was getting married and he wanted to go big. My friend has a knack for getting people together. Old friends and I flew to vegas. Old and new friends camped in the canyons ending up on Zuma beach.
Something about the way I live now has changed me. Im more secluded, more engaged in different things, searching? Basically I have very little drama in my life. More at peace I guess. This has allowed me to really get a proper perspective on my place in California. I realized I am so thankful to have tried something new. I am proud of my Wife and myself for wanting to leave and moving to Washington.
More important than anything else is I could see, from a very interesting perspective, who I am to people. I have lifelong friends who I feel close too, I have surface level friends, yet none of them will ever really know me and vice versa. Thats where the isolation comes from. I grew up with expectations of friendship and social interactions that are just not obtainable in the way we close ourselves down by never fully letting anyone in.
I try, man, I fuckin try to relay my pain, my joy, my love, my fear, whatever it may be but my expections were way off. This trip somehow amplified the absurdity of so many things.